So Your Character is Jewish … Featuring Dara @ notinjersey & Sami Frankel

Though I’m not Jewish, I am Christian and our religions have a lot in common. I actually used to go to a Messianic Jewish church at one point and I had some Jewish friends. I’m really happy to learn more about this really fascinating religion and culture!

So Your Character is … series is where I interview lovely volunteers from around the world to give you a firsthand account of being a citizen of their respective country or having a disability. I’m hoping to encourage international diversity, break stereotypes, and give writers a crash course on how to write a character from these different places on our planet. If you haven’t checked out last time’s So Your Character is from Venezuela … be sure to hop on over there and give it a read!

Disclaimer: The content below may be culturally shocking to some. Each of these posts is as uncensored as possible to preserve the authenticity of the cultures of each of the interviewees.

(None of the Images are Mine)

My name is Dara and I’m a stay at home mom to three kids (15, 13, and 10). My main hobbies are reading, writing, traveling, knitting, and photography. I live in Kansas, outside of Kansas City, although I am originally from NJ. I blog at notinjersey.com and I’m on most social media under the user name notinjersey. I am part of the Bookstagram community on my Instagram and would love you to follow me there! 

My name is Sami. I am an educator, a reader, a bread-baker, and a lover of long, exploratory walks. I recently moved from New York to Jerusalem, and I am incredibly grateful to be part of communities that span the globe. I grew up in a traditional but not religious Conservative Jewish family and have spent the past fifteen summers at Ramah Darom, a Jewish camp in the mountains of Georgia. I credit camp with introducing me to text-based Jewish learning, prayer, Shabbat, kashrut (the laws of keeping kosher), and so many more things that make me the person I am today.

Instagram//Goodreads

Tell me what the Jewish religion is in your own words.

Dara: There are as many definitions of being Jewish as there are Jewish people – a lot! Judaism is a religion and also a culture, and there are a variety of ways to practice Judaism. While I can’t represent what every Jewish person believes, I can tell you what it means in my life personally.

I would say that the main belief of Judaism is that there is one God. You don’t have to believe in God to be Jewish, but if you look at the main ideas of the religion, it is belief in God. Also important is the Torah, which is the Jewish scripture which lays out all of the laws, obligations, and ways of life that Jewish people are meant to follow. There are different movements of Judaism and they each have their own view on whether the words of the Torah are absolute or required or guidelines or choices. Finally, I think that the Jewish religion tells us how to behave as a person and how to treat other people.

Sami: Judaism is so much more than a religion, which I think it one of the most beautiful things about it, but I think that the roots of Judaism are in tradition, self-reflection, and community. Despite the wide array of Jewish practices and experiences, these three elements seem to be pretty universal. Religious Jews, secular Jews, Haredi Jews, Ashkenazi Jews (from Eastern Europe), Mizrahi Jews (from the Arab world), Ethiopian Jews, Sephardi Jews (mostly from Spain and Portugal, then Latin America after the expulsion of Jews in 1492), Moroccan Jews, Yemeni Jews, Soviet Jews—there is such a diversity of experiences within this tiny segment of the world’s population, yet we share this affinity for each other, for our history, and for our faith.

To me, one of the most significant illustrations of how these elements come together is the Shema. This prayer is the cornerstone of the morning and evening prayer services, and it is supposed to be the last thing we say before we die. It consists of two single lines affirming the singularity of God and God’s relationship with us, which are typically said in a reflective posture, covering our eyes with our hand. These lines are followed by three paragraphs that encourage us to wear our Judaism outwardly (on our doorposts and on our bodies), displaying to the world that we are members of this community, and to teach the lessons of Judaism to our children, carrying out the traditions for generations to come.

What do you feel is unique about being Jewish as opposed to being a part of another religion?

Dara: I think being Jewish is unique because it is not only a religion but also a culture. There are many people who only consider themselves culturally Jewish and not religiously Jewish, but for me it is both. Being part of the Jewish community means that if a Jewish person does something that reflects badly on the rest of the community we all feel it, or if someone accomplishes something big, it makes us feel proud.

Sami: I think Judaism is unique as a religion because you don’t have to be “religious” to be to Jewish (either to feel Jewish yourself or to be considered Jewish by most other Jews). A person who prays three times a day and references rabbinic teachings in everyday conversation is no more Jewish than someone who doesn’t know how to read Hebrew or when the next holiday is. A person who is visibly Jewish because he wears a kippah or she wears long skirts to cover her knees is not a more legitimate Jew than someone who can “pass” walking down the street.

I have evolved in my own Jewish practices over time, and I love that Judaism gives me the space to do that. Though I now keep Shabbat and keep kosher and mostly wear dresses with sleeves, I do not feel any more internally Jewish than before I started doing those things. These outward expressions are wonderful (for me), but unlike for most religions, they are not the only indication of belonging to our global, historical religious community. There are so many ways to connect to Judaism—religiously, secularly, traditionally, communally, nutritionally—and they all count!

Does your day to day life differ because you’re Jewish?

Dara: Yes, for me it does. I will give you a few examples – I eat differently than many people with following the laws of kosher food, from Friday night-Saturday night I observe the Jewish sabbath and I turn off my phone and computer that whole time, and I don’t celebrate the same holidays as everyone else. Some people also dress differently because they follow the Jewish modesty rules, including wearing only long skirts or dresses and covering their hair after they are married. Men will wear a skullcap (yalmulke or kippah) or a baseball cap sometimes as well.

Sami: In short, yes.

In reality, it’s more complicated.

I am a white, American, young woman with college-educated parents and an elite education of my own. I am well-integrated in non-Jewish communities, and I can afford to keep up with trends in fashion and food and technology. It is very easy for me to participate and thrive in a world that is predominantly not Jewish, and at the same time, as an Ashkenazi Jew (who has lived mostly in America), I never have to prove that I belong in various Jewish spaces. Both of those realities are privileges, not the universal Jewish experience.

That said, my day-to-day life is still very much affected by my being Jewish. It is such an integral part of my identity that there’s no ignoring it. Growing up, I went to Hebrew School three times a week and missed school for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. I brought my own dessert to friends’ birthday parties during Passover, and my dad always came into school during Chanukkah to teach my classmates how to play dreidel.

Now, I keep kosher and keep Shabbat, which means I can’t always be quite as spontaneous with plans. Most of my friends don’t keep kosher kitchens, so they can’t always host me for meals, nor are there always restaurants available. Events on Friday nights and Saturdays are tricky to navigate without using technology, money, or transportation. But it’s also wonderful. I am more intentional about the way that I cook, and every week, I get to pause and celebrate with family and friends.

What is your favorite Jewish holiday and why?

Dara: One thing that I want people to know about Jewish holidays is that Hanukkah is not our most important holiday. Because it is in December and close in dates to Christmas, a lot of people think that it is our version of Christmas. The truth is that just because one religion has a holiday doesn’t mean that other people need to have a similar or equal holiday of their own.

When people try to include Hanukkah in with their Christmas celebrations, it is well-intentioned but elevates Hanukkah to a level that it was never meant to be on. When I talk about “the holidays,” I am usually referring to our fall holidays – Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Sukkot. My favorite Jewish holiday is Sukkot, a holiday where we celebrate the fall harvest and commemorate the forty-year period during which the children of Israel were wandering in the desert, living in temporary shelters. I actually wrote a whole blog post about being Jewish during the Christmas season.

Sami: My favorite holiday is Pesach (Passover).

I’ve been on a bit of a religious journey for most of my life, and Pesach was one of the first holidays that I really learned about and started making my own decisions about how I would observe. Every year, I learn a little bit more, and I love that Pesach is a benchmark for me to reflect on how things have changed and progressed over the years.

Pesach was also the holiday for which my family had the most consistent traditions. The first night, we participated in a big seder with family friends, everyone bringing their signature dishes (my mom always made salted egg soup—it’s good, I promise!—and mashed potatoes) and going around the table reading the Haggadah, finishing the night with The Prince of Egypt. The second night, we would do a small seder with just our immediate family, which tended to be a bit more serious and traditional and just as special. I love the balance, and I try to incorporate as many of those family traditions as I can into my more grown-up, more independent life.

Tell me about Jewish food. What are some of your favorite dishes?

Dara: A lot of Jewish foods are adapted from other countries where Jewish people have lived. For us, our families are from an Eastern European background, so our foods come from those countries. Some of our favorites are:

• Challah – A special kind of bread that we eat on the sabbath and holidays. It is sweet and doughy.
• Matzah Ball Soup – Chicken soup with balls like dumplings
• Latkes – a potato pancake that we eat on Hanukkah
• Falafel – Israeli or Middle Eastern fried chick pea balls
• Kugel – a kind of casserole that can be made from potatoes or noodles

Sami: Because Jewish communities have roots all over the world, Jewish food is extremely eclectic and representative of so many different regional cuisines.

In the Ashkenazi realm, I, of course, love bagels. My go-to order is a toasted everything with cream cheese, tomato, and onion, sometimes with egg salad. In fact, family lore has it that my uncle invented the everything bagel! I also love matzah ball soup, particularly with “soup nuts.” These tiny yellow squares are the Jewish version of croutons and are perfect in a soup or just as a snack. The name comes from the Hebrew shekadai marak, which literally translates to “soup almonds,” and they are incredibly delicious.

In Israel, there is much more exposure to the range of Jewish cuisines. I love cholent or hamin, which is a slow-cooked stew with grains, beans, and spices (and usually meat, but I’m vegetarian) that is often served hot for Shabbat lunch as a workaround for the prohibition against lighting a fire on Shabbat in Ashkenazi, Sephardi, and Mizrahi homes. Some of my favorite Mizrahi dishes are malawach, shakshuka, bourekas, hummus, and halva.

Are there any Jewish sayings or idioms or jokes that only Jews really know? What are some of your favorites?

Dara: There is a whole Jewish language – Hebrew – as well as Yiddish, which is a combination of German and Hebrew and is the basis of a lot of Jewish words. An example of a word I have used in this interview is sabbath – we actually call it Shabbat (Hebrew) or more often Shabbos (Yiddish). Our prayer services are in Hebrew.

Jewish humor is a thing that I’m not sure I can explain! It involves being self-deprecating, and of course, there would be an issue with non-Jewish people telling jokes about Jewish people because it could easily become antisemitic.

Sami: I listen to a couple of linguistics podcasts, and apparently there are some linguistic anomalies among Jews, but I think this is mostly true among religious Jews and mostly regional. For example, a lot of Modern Orthdox Jews tend to say “stay by” when talking about visiting people (i.e., “Will you stay by us?” “We stayed by my friend.”), which is a translation from the Yiddish. Similarly, Jews tend to use 100% as a statement of assurance or certainty more than other populations, translating from the very common meah ahuz in Hebrew.

Indeed, a lot of the expressions that I can think of are more Hebrew than “Jewish,” especially because I did not grow up in a home with a lot of Yiddish, which is rich with clever idioms and phrases.
Mazal tov is how we say congratulations (for a wedding, a birthday, a graduation, etc.), though it literally translates to “good luck.”

Tit’chadesh is a Hebrew word without a direct translation to English. It is used to wish someone enjoyment of their new thing, usually a new haircut or a new article of clothing. I think it’s such a sweet expression, and I love that it’s in the Hebrew lexicon!

Is there a historical Jewish figure that you admire? Why do you admire them?

Dara: When you look at Jewish history, you have to go back to biblical times. I admire a lot of biblical women, such as Hannah, who dealt with infertility, and Esther, who saved the Jewish people from destruction. In more recent history, I always admired Hannah Szenes, who was a parachutist in WWII and helped Jewish people escape Hungary. Most recently, I would say Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Sami: I have always really admired Hannah (Chana) Szenes (Senesh), and I think she is somewhat of an unsung hero of the Jewish people. I first discovered Hannah Szenes in Hebrew School in third grade, and I immediately felt an affinity with her because we shared a name (my Hebrew name is Chana. I don’t connect to it much now, but it felt significant at the time).

Hannah Szenes was born in Hungary in 1921 and moved to British Mandated Palestine after high school, conscious of growing antisemitism in Hungary and throughout Europe. She lived on a kibbutz and ultimately enlisted in the British Women’s Auxiliary Air Force. In 1944, she was part of a spy mission into Yugoslavia and Hungary. She was captured, tortured, and eventually tried and executed for treason by a Hungarian court, but she never revealed her transmitter codes or the names of her compatriots.

A devoted Zionist, Szenes was also a poet, whose poem Eli, Eli (My God, My God) was put to music, admiring the beauty of the land of Israel and its inhabitants. This song is often played in Israel during Yom Hashoah (Holocaust Memorial Day) ceremonies, and it is one of the songs I find most beautiful and meaningful.

What are three important events in Jewish history?

Dara: Again, we have to go back to biblical times, as Jewish history is tied to biblical history. The history of Judaism is traced back to Abraham, who became the first to believe there was only one God. However, I think most every Jewish person today would list the Holocaust as the number 1 important event in Jewish history. This mass destruction of the Jewish people has definitely served as a defining event for Jewish people today. Finally, the creation of the Jewish state of Israel is an important event in modern Jewish history.

Sami:

1) Destruction of the Second Temple – From biblical times, Judaism was a Temple-oriented religion, centered around sacrifices and pilgrimages that brought the entire population together in Jerusalem from across the land of Judea. The destruction of the Second Temple by the Roman army in 70 CE led to a diaspora, which required a complete reconfiguration of Jewish practice. In the years following the expulsion from Jerusalem, rabbinic Judaism was established, and the laws set out in the Talmud and contemporary texts frame Jewish ritual and practice through today.

2) Holocaust – Hitler’s “Final Solution” of the 1930s and 1940s was a plan to exterminate the world’s Jewish population as a stepping-stone to achieving German nationalism and domination. The atrocities of this genocide follow a long history of violent antisemitism and are within living memory. These two facts contribute to the intergenerational trauma many Jews experience when reflecting on the Holocaust and on global antisemitism today.

3) Foundation of the State of Israel – The 1948 foundation of the State of Israel followed closely on the heels of World War II and the Holocaust. The establishment of a Jewish state on land with such historical resonance is not without its complications, but the international recognition of the need for a safe homeland for the Jewish people is incredibly important and meaningful.

What are some stereotypes about Jews irk you? What media portrays your country badly be it a movie, a book, or a TV show?

Dara: One thing that bothers me in many books is that when a character is Jewish, they are basically just mentioned as having received some gift for Hanukkah, but are still portrayed eating pork and shellfish and basically doing everything their non-Jewish friends do. If there is any reference to more religiously observant Jewish people in the media, they are normally shown as having had to escape the clutches of their religious community. Not all religious Jewish people want to leave.

Sami: There are a lot of Jewish stereotypes that are irksome, but I want to focus on the media aspect of the question.

I find it incredibly frustrating that Jews are almost always portrayed as one of two extremes. One: the Jewish character exists only to switch things up a little bit during the Christmas episode or because it would be funny to show her drooling over a bacon cheeseburger (not kosher) on Yom Kippur (a fast day), but otherwise, her Judaism is never mentioned. Two (the new media trend these days): the Jewish character grew up in an ultra-religious family, but struggles with God or the strictures and is trying to make his way out of the community and into the “real world.”

Certainly, those Jews exist, but there are also lots of Jewish people who love being Jewish, whose Judaism is not just an entertaining plot point, who enjoy their religion and share it with their (Jewish and non-Jewish) friends. I would love to encounter a character who goes out to eat with his friends but orders something vegetarian because he won’t eat non-kosher meat or a character who decides to incorporate prayer into her morning routine.

What media portrays being Jewish well be it a movie, a book, or a TV show?

Dara: One of the only TV shows I watched that portrayed religious Judaism in a good way was Shtisel, which is about a religious family living in Israel.

Sami: This question is a bit complicated because, as I’ve mentioned, there are so many different ways to be Jewish that are all legitimate, and while the representation of Jews in media tends towards two extremes, those portrayals aren’t necessarily bad or dishonest. Even though I can think of very few examples of media representations of Jews like me, there are media portrayals of other types of Jews that I think are quite well done. For me, a good representation of Jewish people in media is one that allows the characters to be consistently Jewish, not only as a point of contrast with their non-Jewish counterparts.

The Nanny features Fran Fine and her mother, Sylvia, who are loudly and proudly Jewish, if occasionally stereotypical. Because Fran Drescher was so committed to incorporating her own Jewish heritage and upbringing into the show, her characters read Jewish in such an honest way.

The West Wing’s Josh Lyman and Toby Ziegler are both Jewish, and though neither of them is particularly religious, their Judaism is significant to their characterization and feels natural (other than the one episode where Toby goes to shul only to hear the rabbi make a speech that has political ramifications). I particularly love the moments when Toby and Josh discuss their Jewishness apart from the rest of the staff, and the episode where we learn Toby’s father’s history is so powerful—a mainstream TV show that started an episode in Yiddish!

Who are your top three favorite fictional Jewish characters in books, movies, or shows?

Dara: It is hard to think of any characters that are specifically well done because they are Jewish. I mean, Ross and Monica on Friends are supposedly Jewish, but how are they shown to be Jewish as opposed to anything else about them? Dr. Latham on Chicago Med wears a kippah, but he is also seen as meeting a woman in a bar and hooking up with her in his hotel room, something a religious Jewish person wouldn’t do. One of my favorite books this year, however, was Yes, No, Maybe So by Becky Albertalli and Aisha Saeed. The main male character, Jamie Goldberg, and his family are getting ready for his sister’s bat mitzvah. I appreciated these characters a lot.

Sami:

1) Reuven Malter – Reuven is the protagonist in Chaim Potok’s The Chosen, a book about a Modern Orthodox boy who meets and befriends a Haredi boy who nearly knocked his eye out in a baseball match. The story follows the two boys through the rest of high school and into college, tracking the ups and downs in their complicated friendship and beautifully articulating the distinction between their Jewish experiences. Both religious and both committed to Jewish life and law, the two boys (and their fathers) have different perspectives on faith, leading to absolutely stunning reflections from both of them.

2) Hodel – I love all of the daughters in Fiddler on the Roof, a musical based on a classic tale by Sholem Aleichem. Tevye, the father and the village milkman, is devoted to tradition, but each of his daughters flout his expectations in different ways. I’ve connected to each daughter more or less at different times, but now that I’ve moved away from my family to another country, I feel super aligned with Hodel, who moves to Siberia to marry Perchik.

3) Midge Maisel – Played by (non-Jewish) Rachel Brosnahan, Midge is the title character of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. After discovering that her husband is cheating on her, she drunkenly heads to a bar and ends up pursuing a career in stand-up comedy. Midge is unapologetically Jewish, referencing her faith and customs on set in genuinely entertaining, unoffensive ways, and she is surrounded by other Jewish characters with different experiences who add such depth and breadth to the cast.

Are you interested in participating in this project? Check out the tips archive to see which countries have been filled and if you’re from a different country, shoot me an email at howellvictoriagrace(a)gmail(dot)com. I’m especially looking for Cuba, Belarus, Zimbabwe, Croatia, and Iran.

Do you have any Jewish characters? Did this inspire you to write a Jewish character? Are you Jewish and you have further input? Feel free to share! Do you have any questions for Dara and Sami? Be sure to thank them!